i want help

i have to i think

im gonna tell my therapist

took me back to bed and everything was normal

washed my hair and watched me while letting the conditioner sit

lol one time i woke up while he was doing it and i threw up and he showered me

yeah

i just think that kind of stuff wont make sense to anyone but me

because i had to keep schedule

like lol this is weird but he used to force me to be naked all day on the weekend if i didnt go to bed on time the night before

it feels like its my fault

i dont want to remember lol

i think they could just argue it was mostly discipline

because it would be real

and my mum would get angry and i couldnt be normal around anyone anymore

i think if i told someone he would get in trouble

nobody really knows but me

i havent said anything properly

i havent really told anyone properly

i dont live around my dad anymore and i have a therapist

i just want to forget a little bit

everythings fine now

its ok

i used to wet the bed when i had nightmares

to her it was anxiety

my mum couldnt give a fuck

wetting the bed and shit

i thought the nightmares were from the porn

i just never thought any of it was real

i slept in his room for years

i was more of my dads wife than my mum was

over the phone

my dad threatens my brother so i talk to him

a pedophile maybe

i dont know what my dad is

he only touched me

my dad never touched my brother

i was meant to be a boy if i were a boy i never wouldve been touched in the first place

i was never meant to be alive anyway i was a mistake

instead of doing all of this other shit