that i wish for family members to die

39422 - 

so desperate for change

39422 - 

so desperate for pain

39422 - 

just to feel something

39422 - 

ask you average guy, the guy at the store, why are you alive? young? might say some experience they want. older? usually they cope with children. "i have to stay alive because they need me".

157 - 

justification? relief?

39422 - 

all my life

39422 - 

ive only wanted to feel

39422 - 

justified

39422 - 

shes made me to believe that my problems dont matter.

39422 - 

that hers are worse.

39422 - 

what mother does that?

39422 - 

it hurts knowing youll never change

39422 - 

they assinged reasons, purpose, to prevent themselves from exploring the side of life that is beating down on them. they wont though. that means acknowledging it.

157 - 

in the end ill always be your daughter and youll always be my mother

39422 - 

your mother needs to die

39434 - 

why go turning over rocks that you know will make you know more, but make you feel worse? easy choice for the stupid or frightened.

157 - 

i just wish she would have been there for me

39422 - 

i was only four

39422 - 

how could i understand such a thing by myself?

39422 - 

i needed help. i just didnt realize it. too many emotions for someone so young.

39422 - 

I did it again, I looped again, loop.loop.loop circle around and around Same thing, same problem, same no solution, its easy for me

39435 - 

if she. had been there for me.

39422 - 

if she had been my own fucking mother

39422 - 

if she had stopped

39422 - 

I need to die - sarah

39436 - 

and thought about me

39422 - 

maybe i wouldnt have turned out so fucking awful

39422 - 

its funny to think about

39422 - 

I dont know, its hard to understand my thought process, how i feel about good and bad things, i think its clearer for bad, er no, maybe for good, avoidance is my skill

39435 - 

how i could have turned out so differently

39422 - 

there is a whole world of ugly, dark, evil things that are just as important as the beautiful, light, good. choosing to simply ignore the bad does more harm than accepting it. theyre often the same--

157 - 

if he. didnt. live.

39422 - 

one rotten man.

39422 - 

avoidance loop. I have to write this, i wont remember, eas y to forget most things, because idistract myself constantly , busy head busy busy busy busy

39435 - 

things, but just happening to different things, people, events, in different ways.

157 - 

all i ever do is wish. all i ever do is hope. all i do is ever pray

39422 - 

i think I have a Clear head, but i think of it, its not, its scattered, easy for me to scatter, distraction comes easily, keep myself occupied, nothing difficult, i just need to do it

39435 - 

I get told just to do it, dont they understand ?I want to , no I thin k i want to , the truth is, I want easy easy easy easy

39435 - 

i wish i wish i wish. i hope i hope i hope. i pray i pray i pray.

39422 -