But whatever. I guess I should journal this out rather than writing here, I'm just bothering everyone else now. I'm sorry. I'll be going.

Guns have never been appealing to me, too much mess. Pills are not guaranteed to work. Honestly height feels like the best way.

Maybe Id drive somewhere with a bridge, and jump. I have plenty of places I can drive to.

I wonder how I would do it, when the time comes

It's always about how everyone else feels. That's all my life has ever been about, all it ever will be about, as long as I'm breathing.

People only care if how I feel ends up affecting something in a way they notice. Only care if I can't make them as happy because I'm a little down.

But whatever. That's just how I feel, how I feel has never been important to anyone.

I read back the things I type and realize how dumb and unlikeable I am. How much I would hate to meet someone like me. I have no idea how people ever put up with me

I hate myself so much

Though it's less of a plan and more of an inevitablility, either people stop caring or I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway because I cannot do this anymore

To die? thank you

There is no hope.

Why would how I feel matter. I'm just me. It's always just been me.

The people that will actually go on to make a difference in this world and enjoy themselves. At least I could make them a little happier, I suppose. In the end I guess how I feel doesn't matter.

That's my purpose, to help the people that matter

I'm a stepping stone for everyone else. And I will be until the day I die.

That's my ticket out of suffering. Because the dreams I have, the things I really want to do, that would make me enjoy life, I'm not capable of achieving. Never will be.

I lift up the people that matter and they'll use my lift to leave me behind some day. And when they do, I'll finally be able to end it, without hurting anyone, with no one grieving.

It just sucks to live life for everyone else. To keep everyone else from grieving

I have a family that would mourn me

I'm not going to kill myself anytime soon.

There's nothing to talk about

But the well runs empty. I can't cry more

Some days I wish I could just cry forever and never stop crying

I can take my exit. I won't have to struggle anymore. Finally, I'll know peace, for the first time. And it'll be when I'm six feet under

I can't wait until the day everyone discards me, realizes im worthless, and I can finally stop pretending to enjoy life

I've never met anyone with your name

I'm someone else.

You don't know me

I just want them to stop caring so I can end it

It's actually torture. I can't keep doing this.

When do I get happiness? When do I get to experience the things I want, get to live the life I want? Never. It's never going to happen. So I just live for other people, every day, every second

It sucks, being so worthless, having dreams you know you can never achieve, and having to go on anyway. Because you'd be selfish to leave. Because living is the nice thing to do, for everyone else

But I dont have a reason myself. I dont enjoy living, I've never enjoyed it. Everything feels like stress, a struggle, and for what? So that someone else I know can be happy?

Living for other people is exhausting. Always justifying your existence by telling yourself you'd hurt someone else if you were to leave

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