one problem fixes the other

what else do people do

because my pop is sick and he is the only thing holding my family together

nothing about me matters right now its really all about how nothing will be the same with my family from now on

im dizzy

im ok with having no friends because i was bullied i just want to get over whatever that is

like it wasnt sexual assault i was just made to be worried

i dont even know why

my mum doesnt touch me anymore

my nana is dead my uncle is mad my cousins dont try to talk to me anymore

and my pop has still had a stroke

but i can still see my mum ageing

i hide myself in my little bubble protecting my fear of friendship and my vulnerability by shutting myself away

going through anything that changes throughout life is too much

this is not special thats not what i mean

ive always felt like i feel too much so bad that i just cant be alive

since my dad started coming and going when i was little i just wanted to die

why doesnt everyone else have existential dread

i just really hate it

i had to be uncomfortable with my body and personal space as punishment

it wasnt ever actual abuse it was tension and manipulation

i probably wouldve been normal despite the adhd and asd if things were normal for me as a kid

i dont even know why im like this

ive looked online for answers to see if im crazy or not

irl i mean

ive never met anyone else with ocd

such a stupid disorder

my family doesnt get along anymore i dont talk to anyone everything has happened that i never wanted

i didnt kill myself when i was supposed to so now ive experienced grief and ive been to a funeral for someone i love

the fact that ive felt this way since i was 9 and its only gotten worse and ive only grown up more

none of this actually matters though its my brain distracting myself from everything

i make myself feel so sick i throw up or just feel really bad on the floor i sweat through my clothes and my ears ring

when im alone im doing everything everyone tells me not to do

like i get the whole point of doing it with someone or telling them for support but what do you do when youre alone

makes me wnat to off myself

the most affective therapy for ocd is exposure therapy

im scared im sick

the last time i was this bad i became anemic so i have to fix everything

it can damage your organs i think

with iron supplements?