holy shit, thats me, minus the family and friends

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im not even graduating highschool with an atar

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and... here's me, I didn't get a response here

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i wish you could just erase memories and trauma like in the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

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if i got rid of the bullying and my dad then i would be fine

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i would be in a good school

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id still be able to talk to people

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id be able to be alone in a room with a grown man lol

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my dads an asshole

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it sucks that hes like me

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i have similar mental illnesses to him now

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when i was little all he would do was drink vodka and sleep

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then at about 8 or 9 he only started drinking wine

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but he would cry and yell and break things every night

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threaten suicide and running away

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then of course when i would sleep in his bed

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he would touch me

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in my sleep

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idefk

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then all of the shit when i refused going to school because i was being bullied

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at like 11 i was forced to be naked around the house because i wasnt at school

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or when he was really angry he would drag me by my wrists and lock me outside naked

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never bruised me though

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so no proof of anything

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and when my mum came home she would get angry at me for not going to school

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so no shit im fucked up

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lol

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i was so angry at everyone

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JAWATAN BOHONG DIPERLUKAN

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but i kept it all inside

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like i used to regress into this young child like mind state

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build pillow forts and hide under my desk

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and do nothing but sit there

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because it felt safe

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i was so young and i refused help from everybody after my parents started getting a divorce because i had no hope left for the world

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i was so depressed

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like since i was 10 i would hit myself just so my mum would notice

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then i started pinching myself with craft scissors

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would show it to my mum and she would tell me "You dont want to go down that road" and leave it at that

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i kept on doing it obviously

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