Sobrang mental angusih dinulotnyo

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im on a high dose of anti depressants and adhd medication

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and low dose of antipsychotics

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because i have ocd apparently

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along with the depression

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and the anxiety

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and the adhd

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i also stopped going outside so she also diagnosed me with agoraphobia

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it wasnt a choice not going outside tbh i just couldnt

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cuz with my luck i was bullied at school the same time my dad started sexually and physically abusing me

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ive been forced to go outside, so i cope with, well when it gets bad enough ill fucking blow my brains out

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thats honestly why i tried kms

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didnt even do it bad enough though

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just got a fancy bandaid and was put in a hospital

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it sucks because im surrounded by very happy people

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yknow like everyones been very lucky and successful

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i hate sticking out

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i love my family and family friends

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i actually dont mind happy people, let them be happy, its the sad fucks who wallow non stop, yes your life sucks, but like so does most others

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but im so jealous

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especially of my sister lol

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she struggled too but then she picked everything back up and kept on moving

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im only slowly doing that now

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after 5 years

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shes going to uni lol

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holy shit, thats me, minus the family and friends

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im not even graduating highschool with an atar

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and... here's me, I didn't get a response here

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i wish you could just erase memories and trauma like in the movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

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if i got rid of the bullying and my dad then i would be fine

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i would be in a good school

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id still be able to talk to people

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id be able to be alone in a room with a grown man lol

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my dads an asshole

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it sucks that hes like me

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i have similar mental illnesses to him now

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when i was little all he would do was drink vodka and sleep

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then at about 8 or 9 he only started drinking wine

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but he would cry and yell and break things every night

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threaten suicide and running away

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