and that i've blamed you for things that you probably couldnt even process properly

72363 - 

I write that sort of stuff in my journal-🐚

93328 - 

That was my fault I remember when i was youngi saw lgbtq content and I still didn’t know what 🏳️‍🌈 at that Time I didn’t ask my mom about it

93336 - 

im sorry for directing mmy anger at you instead of the people who were responsible

72363 - 

I have a journal but i haven't written in a while. It feels like the days dont count wgej i dont journal

93338 - 

I love journaling-🐚

93328 - 

i was too caught up with trying to find a logical reason as to why those things happened

72363 - 

I'm always the one being left out and forgottwn

93340 - 

that i felt like the only logical answer was you being at fault

72363 - 

but i want to get better and i want to stop blaming you

72363 - 

If you look at my journals from younger me it always just ended off by me saying some hella pessimistic shit like i want to kill myself 🐚

93328 - 

the same way how we were all once children, you were a child. and if im able to empathise with other children, then i should be able to empathise with you

72363 - 

Im so glad ive had this growth-🐚

93328 - 

so im sorry and i'll try not to blame you anymore

72363 - 

I still watch +18 stuff

93336 - 

Maybe no one else sees it but its crazy how my mentality has changed so much-🐚

93328 - 

moving on without any explanations or apologies is difficult

72363 - 

Yellow but healing is possible, you can get free from that addiction

93340 - 

i wanna kms.

93341 - 

i keep thinking that i need answers

72363 - 

but maybe i dont

72363 - 

My journals now can be kinda silly or when i am sad i know its not forever -🐚

93328 - 

Coral please don't. I know exactly how you feel. You matter honey and you are loved

93340 - 

somehow i cant accept that though

72363 - 

I wish I wasn't alive right now..... Light Blue.... I dont think i can do this..

93341 - 

maybe i'm too forgiving

72363 - 

Yall im like about to launch myself into the nearest river im being so fr - romam

84237 - 

Im able to rant it out without going straight to contemplating suicide now-🐚

93328 - 

Coral you can, you are stronger than you think, believe me

93340 - 

I mean i have my moments but im only human-🐚

93328 - 

Roman* sorry - roman

84237 - 

light blue.... honestly... i dont know anymore im literally just say here crying... i...

93341 - 

i shouldnt want to reconnect with past abusers. that's not maturity thats being a pushover

72363 - 

Coral, listen, I know how it feels to not want to live anymore, but I promise that it will get better

93340 - 

No im uhh how do I explain im not addicted i am just not homophobic and basically everyone I know is homophobic which is why i am probably going to end up alone in life

93336 - 

Reached out to the crisis line, they hung up on me, i called back, got a difgerent counselor who did the same thing when i mentioned it - roman

84237 - 

after all this time clearly i have still not learnt how to set boundaries

72363 - 

I am seeing Billie next month... thats the only thing keeping me going right now.... if not for that i dont know.... </3 - to light blue

93341 - 

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself blue🐚

93328 - 

You are loved, Coral, very very loved, even I love you and it's really not worth to end it

93340 -