That I deserved it

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They're going to brush me off and ignore me, and they're going to literally act like I'm worthless, and that nothing I can do could ever hurt them

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And feeling powerless gets me so angry, because I don't know how to handle it.

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I always feel like it means everything, like it matters so much to me

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I don't know I wasn't thinking and I fucked up and the consequences feel harsh, and it hurts and I don't know what to do about it

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I feel like everything can only get worse from this point

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point on, and everyone is going to try to hurt me

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and I don't know how to control my anger, and I hate everyone and I don't know what to do with every situation in which the other person didn't care about me

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I'm just thinking over and over and over every single time in my life that someone else just brushed me off

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And it hurt like a bitch

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And it should't even affect me, but everytime someone does not pay attention to me and just brushes me off and leaves me to deal with the consequences on my own

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I just think over everytime that it mattered

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I'm the type of person who'd probably stab themselves just for the other person to praise them

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I don't have control over my own body when I go out, I just lie about everything all the time

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I try to appeal presentable, and nice, and like someone who the other person wouldn't want to hurt, and my fawn response is killing me

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I hate school.

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It's where I get to feel like I'm not the person who owns this body

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It's where a literal mirror of understandable likeability takes place over my flesh, and I cannot even say anything

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I'm forbidden over saying anything.

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I do not have any control over my decidions, over my words.

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I hate it there.

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I have to bow down and take it from racist, homophobic, transphobic fucks I have to

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I HAVE TO.

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Everyone else gets to have a say over who I am and what I look like and what I do other than me

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Everyone else gets to decide what is right

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What's wrong

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T T

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