T T

What's wrong

Everyone else gets to decide what is right

Everyone else gets to have a say over who I am and what I look like and what I do other than me

I HAVE TO.

I have to bow down and take it from racist, homophobic, transphobic fucks I have to

I hate it there.

I do not have any control over my decidions, over my words.

I'm forbidden over saying anything.

It's where a literal mirror of understandable likeability takes place over my flesh, and I cannot even say anything

It's where I get to feel like I'm not the person who owns this body

I hate school.

I try to appeal presentable, and nice, and like someone who the other person wouldn't want to hurt, and my fawn response is killing me

I don't have control over my own body when I go out, I just lie about everything all the time

I'm the type of person who'd probably stab themselves just for the other person to praise them

I just think over everytime that it mattered

And it should't even affect me, but everytime someone does not pay attention to me and just brushes me off and leaves me to deal with the consequences on my own

And it hurt like a bitch

I'm just thinking over and over and over every single time in my life that someone else just brushed me off

and I don't know how to control my anger, and I hate everyone and I don't know what to do with every situation in which the other person didn't care about me

point on, and everyone is going to try to hurt me

I feel like everything can only get worse from this point

I don't know I wasn't thinking and I fucked up and the consequences feel harsh, and it hurts and I don't know what to do about it

I always feel like it means everything, like it matters so much to me

And feeling powerless gets me so angry, because I don't know how to handle it.

They're going to brush me off and ignore me, and they're going to literally act like I'm worthless, and that nothing I can do could ever hurt them

That I deserved it

My friend's telling me to appeal, but I deserve this, and I'm just so angry, because I know everyone is going to tell me to just get over it

I'm so angry.

Like not, "an injustice has happened to me" pissed, just I did smthn stupid against the rules and got banned for a day pissed

I'm so fucking pissed man.

not the same yellow btw diff yello

can i vent in here or how does this work