take care u guys!!

i have to sleep

i can feel my mood crashing

he has to get an mri at a different hospital and more tests

maybe in the next couple of days

i hate hospitals

and not puke and pass out from freaking out

its fine the tests are coming back good i just want to be able to visit him

i hate that my pops in the hospital

everything he made sure i wasnt

obsessed over cleanliness, purity and perfection

no shit i have ocd now

i had to grow up anyways

despite never even being given a chance to be a normal girl

i thought my body wanted to become a woman despite everything

and nobody helped me lol

when i got my period it was so bad i couldnt breathe

i think i stopped growing up mentally when i became aware

and nobody ever says anything

in public of all places

from random men

and the fact that lustful shit like that still happened after my dad

i hate that whole house and that bed

even if he shared them

just so i can know and delete them

i know hes gone and i wont get it but i want to have my dads phone and watch all the photos and videos he took of me

no chance i was ever going to be normal after that

everything that happened when i was little enough to barely remember fucked me up

i rlly havent spoken to anyone other than my family in over 2 years now

my brain makes me feel horrible

rn i feel like everythings disgusting and i want to disappear

my great uncle was a total creep who flashed me and my cousin and walked around in his underwear on purpose

i think can spot people out because of stuff that happened when i was a kid but you really cant

its just fucked

a bunch of kids had to be tested for stds

and another guy was connected to it

this guy was arrested for being a pedophile in over 50 childcare centres in australia recently

id adopt if anything

and the worlds overpopulated

so much danger its selfish