idc

ok bye

and hurting me

how does that turn to molestin gme

because he loves me so much and he'd rather die then be alone

like my dad did a good enough job

i dont get the psychology behind me wanting to be hurt and weak after everything

while i cant talk to anyone let alone a man

has many friends and a boyfriend

my sister goes to a great uni

im only different from my siblings because my dad was assaulting me lol

growing up the way i did i think normally people just deal with it

my childhood actually shouldnt matter

now im 17 and i have no time to do nothing

i was 15 and everything shouldve ended then

didnt even work and i was moving into the hospital like 2 days later anyways

held together by 4 bandaids criss cross

last relapse aka suicide attempt

lol now that i think about it the blood reminded me of my last relapse

nothing is bad i just cant be normal

im not even crazy

whats the point in changing all of my meds again ill be an adult soon

nothing matters

im useless space

i wont ever contribute to anything

like why do i matter at all

im not even that bad though

ill probably be back in the hospital by the end of the year like 2023

i mentioned suicide to my psychologist

ive lost too much weight since i last saw my psychiatrist she'll know something is up

doesnt even matter

no

so fucking stupid lol

and i scrape at my scars in the shower

even though im a year clean

but when it did i didnt clean it up

i got my blood taken today and it wouldnt stop bleeding

i hate pretending to be strong

i like being bruised up and weak