probably the far future

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i hope the future is better than right now

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and i most likely won't be alive or be able to access the result of such a quesiton

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so i'm stuck here questioning

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with my own mortal fleshy brain

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and no answer satisfies me

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because the nature of the world is so unhuman

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and it doesn't care about is

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us

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*

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i just

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the world doesnt care much about anyone

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i want to make something of myself

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i agree

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and i hate that

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me too, i want to be something, something good

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i hate that humans, on a large scale, turn a blind eye to the misfortune of otehrs

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and then the physical world

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the manifestation of genetics and indivdual choices that when combined, produce bad luck for someone

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You're not worth it. I don't want to deal with any issues and complexes you have. I gave up on your as a person

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such as myself when my dad died 3 months ago

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like

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yeah it was mostly genetics

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but he chose to go to bed at some time the night before

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which then affected when he woke up

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and someone else probably effected what he was doing during the day

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genetics are funny

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this world will never be good enough to answer all the questions in life

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all these genetic predispositions - from choosing to stay up later, to having a blood clot form in your heart - all built a path towards his death

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and it's the combination of these things

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that produce what we see as luck and randomness

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and the fact my luck was so poor to lose my dad that day

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i can't understand that

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i can understand how it happened sure

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i just explained how

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but emotionally, i just can't reconcile

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logically i can

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emotionally i cannot

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i understand how it happened, but i can't see why

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same, my dad dies too, i hate how genetics is probably the reason for the misfortune of it

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