When i went to the bedroom i had a lot of background fear behind me like i was hokding my breath to something unmentionable

50103 - 

Maybe you feel taht way because you an attention seeker.

49257 - 

havent had proper friends in years, never had a friend who understood me or who i felt comfortable around

50104 - 

why is it so easy for everybody else

50104 - 

have you tried online spaces?

49730 - 

yeah for years

50104 - 

a lot of the time those are the best places to meet likeminded people

49730 - 

but i dont want online friends

50104 - 

i had them

50104 - 

I want real friends

50104 - 

i don't either, but sometimes that's the best you can get

49730 - 

online friends cant fill the endless pit of loneliness

50104 - 

i laid down on the bed and there came a light that came down across the wall but it was like seeping through a crack

50103 - 

makes me life worse tbh

50104 - 

what about mensa maybe? a lot of neurodivergence in those spaces

49730 - 

its like when im socializing i know im being weird, i can see it, but i freeze up and dont know how to act normal

50104 - 

On the bright side I heatd she might be getting kicked off our band trip

50094 - 

a bit selective to get in, but could be a good option

49730 - 

dont know what to say

50104 - 

The light came down like it was going down a pipe and when it reached the end of the mid wall it made the room a dark red

50103 - 

but around my family im never like that, im completely different, im normal

50104 - 

does it help when it's a genuine conversation, not forced smalltalk or something?

49730 - 

why cant i be like around everybody

50104 - 

no its just like everything

50104 - 

I hate my fucking sibling

42805 - 

if its not something im experience on or know a lot about, im a complete idiot

50104 - 

don't say that

49730 - 

im probably better at smalltalk because its predictable

50104 - 

i can fake smalltalk

50104 - 

straight a's an the ability to communicate on here means you're not an idiot

49730 - 

I can't fake small talks

42805 - 

i can fake it too, not well but i can

49730 - 

Fuckkkk

42805 - 

and its just like whenever i talk, i can see the reactions, im being weird, but i dont know why, im trying so hard

50104 - 

I hate thiss

42805 - 

or am i just imagining and assuming their reactions?

50104 - 

Small talk either goes really well or I ruin it by saying something awkward

50094 - 

i cant trust my own thoughts or perceptions anymore

50104 - 

socializing has become my nightmare

50104 - 

that's the issue with neurodivergence and hyper self awareness

49730 -