yeah, he thinks i'm unhappy and emotionally cheating i guess

45799 - 

purple, i love you!

15608 - 

im so tired of maintaining any sort of connection with anyone. im not built for social engagement and i feel like a freak for not needing it at all

45798 - 

well your not a freak to me blue :)

45800 - 

Idk blye

15608 - 

he caught me last night reading, and now he left the house in the early hours, and is walking around the city

45799 - 

telling me he's looking for flights for me to go back to america

45799 - 

blue do you think maybe you don't trust people? And if you found someone you trust you would want to connect with them?

15608 - 

hello?

45801 - 

hello

45799 - 

i absolutely do not trust people. i find most people repulsive and i tolerate the rest. i cant imagine myself trusting someone

45798 - 

i feel so alone.

45801 - 

you're not alone here

45799 - 

idk what to do

45800 - 

i have always felt alone

45801 - 

But hypothetically, if you met someone who proved themselves to be trustworthy, would you want to be friends with them>

15608 - 

im not even old enough to get a job and my mom is making me pay rent

45800 - 

wdym purple

45799 - 

how does she plan on charging rent?

45799 - 

in a month

45800 - 

maybe? i dont know what would have to happen for me to trust anyone. i dont see possible companions in any realm of my life

45798 - 

i need a hug

45801 - 

sending happy thoughts to you all

45799 - 

should i kill myself?

45800 - 

being as distant and disgusted as i am with people makes me feel sociopathic. im not a sociopath

45798 - 

no.

45801 - 

how old are you blue?

15608 - 

its been 2 years and 3 days since i tried it.

45801 - 

fifteen

45798 - 

i feel like you should at least try to make friends, at least on a surface level.

15608 - 

i wish i had someone that would love me forever

45801 - 

it doesn't have to be too intimate, and I feel like that kind of friendship happens over time.

15608 - 

i want nothing from anyone. i dont appreciate anyone. i have "friends", people that i painstakingly maintain connections with for the sake of normalcy

45798 - 

it's pointless

45798 - 

Like, you could join some sort of activity outside of school, bond over that activity but not have to talkab otu feelings

15608 - 

this isnt helping i still feel so alone

45801 - 

goodbye.

45801 - 

im not lonely. i am overwhelmed with my lack "loneliness"

45798 - 

having to speak with people makes me resent them

45798 - 

well, if you don't feel lonely then maybe it isn't a problem.

15608 -