we play the lottery of suffering or a chance, for a moment, to make this somehow relavent.

157 - 

i think "oh things cant turn out that badly" and the worse thing to happen happens.

39422 - 

for*

157 - 

hello ventscape

5432 - 

since i was a little kid!!!!!! nothing but awful fucking things.

39422 - 

but nooooo, there is a stigma around suicide and my body is hardwired against it

39429 - 

ITS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS MY EXISTENCE IS A BLIGHT ON THE LIVES OF EVERYONE AROUND ME AND YET I REFUSE TO DIE

37030 - 

this shit is so rigged bro

39429 - 

god

39422 - 

I COULD EASILY WALK TO THE TRAIN STATION RIGHT NOW AND END IT ALL BUT I JUSR DONT DO IOT

37030 - 

i wonder how many people, truly, not just their beliefs, actually had a life worth all of the suffering?

157 - 

none

39429 - 

im just.

39422 - 

we had a power outage, and my grandmother nearly died when she ran out of oxygen and we didn't realize

5432 - 

i dont know anymore

39422 - 

maybe the ones that died upon birth

39429 - 

FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON I'M CAUSING MY FAMILY A LOT OF ISSUES AS IT IS I COULD JUST DO IT IF I WASNT SUCH A FUCKING PUSSY

37030 - 

life is pain

39429 - 

i am disgusted by my mother's reaction

5432 - 

I mean like being occupied with themselves, getting physical, less like friends

39115 - 

somehow i am not surprised

5432 - 

i kinda wish i took that small window of opportunity to drown myself

39422 - 

nah i think people that died before the age of 5 had the best life, they didnt experience the dark side of life

39429 - 

i thought. no one would notice for a good hour.

39422 - 

there is no "how could she?" or "what's wrong with her?" because i already knew

5432 - 

urgh i dont know

39422 - 

i already fucking knew, and i didn't do shit to fix it, because i didn't care

5432 - 

at least the ones born after 1950

39429 - 

I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense or if I'm crazy for saying it...I just wished romance wasn't so serious and sexual

39115 - 

maybe i dont even wanna die. i just so desperately want things to be okay.

39422 - 

i didn't care

5432 - 

okay enough philosophical yapping

39429 - 

bye

39429 - 

this entire bloodline is so shit

39422 - 

I don't know if I'll ever meet someone who understands me or who will love me like this because I'm not sure if what I want is love...and I don't want to hurt them either

39115 - 

i hate my grandmother i hate my uncles i hate my mother i hate my father i hate my sisters GOD

39422 - 

theyre all so FUCKING SHIT

39422 - 

i don't know if i believe in love

5432 - 

I think it exists but everyone's idea of love might be different

39115 - 

LIKE WHO THE FUCK GOES "OH HAHA YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR DAD 😂😂" EHEN YOU KNOW THAT HE CAUSED SO MUCH GODDAMN TRAUMA FOR ME

39422 -