What if i get to the point where i act out these thoughts and i die in pain

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I dont want to be in pain

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yeah

95995 - 

me too

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i see life as cruel for that

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I dont understand why i feel like i deserve it

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Ive been pu ching myself recently

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I have some bruises on my arms and they hurt

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Im worried ill go past that

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I see it as life harming in another way

95995 - 

harming what life actually caused

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so its another "weapon" seems like

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of life causing suffering by guilt

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Like am i going to start stabbing myself one day

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Its just scary

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but it felt like, without going full "attempt" it seemed quite risky

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At night i cant sleep because i just think about brutalizing myself

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its horrible that we are forced into this

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sometimes, after sleep

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I dont want to

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stand up

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do anything

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Like i just want to be happh and i want my friend to see me happy again

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it disturbs this peace, silence

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Friends*

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But i cant get happy for long once i remember what im hprrible about

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And its the most stupid ass reason

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I dont like the idea of needing friends or companionship

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But its digging up old shit i was depressed about in middle school

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another type of hunger

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Its hell

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it was horrible time for me, school

95995 - 

Without my friends id be dead since middle school

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i wish i wasnt weak

97096 - 

I think dropping out could ve been better for me

95995 - 

i wish i didnt turn into the person that hurts

97096 - 

I didnt really get super depressed in middle school only because they were there

97095 - 

I wish i wasn’t physically weak

97097 - 

people walked over me like a bug

97096 - 

my body is just aching

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