maybe it's a coping tech idfk

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Once again i feel so so frustrated and i feel like it wont go away no matter what

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I just

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I feel so scared

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i remember when i was very little

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whenever i was touched unexpectedly, ad simple ad a tap on the shoulder

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i would flinch very hard and scream, usually hitting the person on reflex

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i still flinch very hard but i have managed to stop myself from hitting people

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i think it all originates from my sister hinestlu

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i feel so guilty

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i love my sister but the only recollections i have of my fear of being touched comes from her

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the other day i was at lunch with a couple friends

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i was very engrossed in my math homework and had outside conversations tuned out

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my friend thought it would be funny to poke me in the side

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i flinched, screamed abd started to shake, my oencil pountef at her

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so fucking embarrassing

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but i mean at least i didnt stab her

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i feel like i wouldnt have been able to come back from that one if i did

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Trump is removint the woke viruses

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sanitizing

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i hate being touched unexpectedly so much

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re energizing

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dang

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yet at the same time i do crave physical touch in the sense i want to feek safe

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blue

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but i dont because in so fucking terrified

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I can do that

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i could have sctuaklt stabbed her in that moment

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wouldnt be a first

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by making someone feel safe

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im comfortable

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when i was a little kid i was really scared of my sister

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Ohhh mann0

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thats so incredibly pathetic, to be afraid of your younger sister

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snd i felt guilty about it then too

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arent u a girl too?

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that i wasnt a good enough role model, or sone shit

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i fekt bad too knowing our father was too harsh on her

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Yea well tbh

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bit at the sane time i didnt stand uo for her because i also resented her

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