but when he got into my bed i would freeze

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or when i slept in his bed i tried to sleep through it

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i thought it was normal

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when he hurt me when i didnt go to school i hit him back

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i bit him and yelled

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but he would just lock me in my room then come tell me the neighbours were complaining about my yelling

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to embarrass me

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its so complex

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i stopped talking to everyone

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i stopped going to school i deleted social media

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i didnt go outside even. before covid

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everyone who was mean to me at school i wonder if they felt bad

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or at least thought about it

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why i was such a freak

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nobody cares i know that

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i know people knew i had trouble at home too

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i remember he locked me out front half naked one morning

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and a girl from my class walked by with her mum

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we looked at eachother and they just walked off

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neighbours didnt care either

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when i would run away in my underwear lol

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or scream

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cry

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nobody gave a shit

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they mightve asked my parents but they never called anyone

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'

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im so much older now and nothing has changed

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i never showed any proper signs

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other than the whole anxiety thing

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i wet the bed occasionally

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had panic attacks would hit myself until i bruised

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meltdowns or whatever

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one time i remember specifically i couldnt stop crying and i did laps in the backyard

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hitting my arms and scratching my legs

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all the bullshit child therapists i went to couldnt pick it out

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not even my mum

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she just got angry at me

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god that pisses me off

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nobody knows still

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i havent told anyone

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