i genuinely havent been able to trust people since i was 11

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because people keep on fucking me over

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maybe its because i choose the wrong people

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or thats just how it normally is

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but i cant stand it

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like i thought i had a sanctuary with my online friends

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but when we were 14 they posted my face in the groupchats we were in and made fun of me

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because i didnt like a guy they were talking to because he said i faked attempting suicide

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or how when i was 10

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i had a fight with one of my friends online and apparently it made her cry

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the next day at school her mum apparently got all of my other friends parents to be in on this

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and they all said i couldnt be their friends anymore

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then later on fucking bullied me

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with the friends i made later on the next year they started bullying me too

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becasue i was "the odd one out"

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uneven numbers

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always had to play alone

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now in fucking highschool this girl ive known since primary school

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we used to be close somewhat

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so i message her to catch up

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she leaves me on read not once not twice but three times

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after starting conversations with me

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or how this girl i knew from my mums highschool friend

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kept on making these weird sexual jokes about me when i was 2 years younger than her

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then after we started hanging out every day for a couple of months

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dropped me to hang out with someone from her school

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ghosted me

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like maybe its because im just not that interesting

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or im a horrible person somehow and im not realising it

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but why do people not give a shit

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i mean

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i try to remember things

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what they like when their birthday is

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ive been handmaking cards for people i like since i was 11

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i try to be funny

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but since people have kept on fucking me over

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i dont know how to smile at strangers in public anymore

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i had agoraphobia

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that im still technically getting better from

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