because i was stuck inside for a couple of years since 2019 i stopped smiling at people

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i forgot how to

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how to politely smile at people when you look at eachother

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so im pretty sure my cousins think i hate them

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they dont try to talk to me anymore

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my sister doesnt

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when i try and talk to them its awkward

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why am i the only one who has rto deal with people likeb thsi

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honestly is this like a sign for me to do something

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i just want to live i hate this

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why is everything so shitty

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with my social relationships

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i wish i could simlpy dissapear

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i really wanted to go to the fair today

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everything that happened from 2018 to 2019 fucked me up

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2017 even

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my dad molesting me and hurting me my mom having no idea

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i swaer to god they always ruin anything i get excited for

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being bullied at school

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having no friends

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to now still having no friends

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then they ask me why i dont ge excited or happy for anythinh

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i have online friends

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but they do hard drugs

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like its your own fuckung fault

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and dont really like playing games with me anymore

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why am i alwys the worst one

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why am i never enough

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so im always alone

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why cant i simply live

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if those were my friends, i know i am not getting bullied any further

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left to deal with the consequences of my past

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by myself

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as in, man-an ko gd na, i was like

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with the occasional therapy session

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where all she tells me is everything i know

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sorry, owkay

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anyway just in case

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my dad

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he lied about going into cardiac arrest

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