I find myself drawn to people who are not good for me

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People who dont want, need or appreciate the affection i mindlessly give to them

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Parental and Relationship Issues.

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Yet i continue, like a dumbass, like i need to prove something

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Like i need to prove that i am someone worthy of their hard earned love

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It never comes

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Pathetic

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Hiding behind a mask of comedy

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The more I conceal myself the more i’ll never get hurt

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Affection is something i crave, but im disgusted when i get it

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My life is both a living hell and heaven on earth.

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It’s funny, when i think about it.

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Someone hugged me really tight some weeks ago

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And it was filthy

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Disgusting

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Numbing myself to the pain- burning

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Of coming home everyday

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The need to be anywhere but here

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Wish i didnt have to beg for affection

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But here is safe, right..?

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Others dont seem to try

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Just dont care, I just have to stop caring

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If i dont care then i’ll never need love

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If i dont care then ill never need anyone but myself

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Well.. not when home isn’t safe.

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Not anymore.

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Not since mom wanted to leave and dad stopped coming home until 12.

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Not since smoke was the only thing that could lift me up..

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You know it’s true and it drives you crazy

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And vodka promised to drown me in happiness.

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I’m insane.

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Too much, too soon

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My eyes trun to scribbles, my hand falter on my page.

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Dirt is in my eyes.

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I’ll never be enough because i give too much

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I can’t see.\

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i feel like such a burden to everyone

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But i love the pain

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I love it.

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Reciprocal is not something that’s guaranteed

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