i hate being fluid so much omfg i fucking hate it i hate being me i hate everything about me i loathe everything about me

96774 - 

good things: I finished a crochet project so maybe thats a good step towards me opening up my crochet commissions

96771 - 

I know I won't ever be cared about, and sometimes that makes is hard to care about social issues in the way people want e to

95358 - 

I just stay presenting feminine and even when i try masc Ik IM NOT A MAN.

96774 - 

and my ho ass sister can say shes bi and never even like a girl.

96774 - 

shes never felt yearning for a woman in her life.

96774 - 

shes never felt like she wanted to khs for a woman.

96774 - 

As a man, that shit is so made up, also no one has ever seen my penis anyway so if I didn't have one like, that wouldn't atter really

95358 - 

shes never felt the pain of not being able to get something you so desperately want.

96774 - 

good think im producing more to feed my baby so he has good food

96771 - 

God i hope i can get a workout in and a shower

96771 - 

how can you say youre something youre fucking not. I am. I. AM.

96774 - 

Like if you grew up being treated like a man you still wouldn't feel like a man, because you'll only ever told what not do to as a man, never anything to do, to help you, to understand yourself..

95358 - 

It's just nonsense, like your genitals don't know what a "man" is, they're reproductive organs made for baby making, and have no opinion on how you fit into society

95358 - 

I get there’s nothing that can be done right away but him being so nonchalant about our situation doesn’t help me feel reassured that he’s actually taking steps to fix it

96771 - 

And honestly if you're a man who doesn't have a adversion to being called a man I think you're a bit delusional tbh. You're trans-man tho, so there's a whole lot going on with you that I don't even k

95358 - 

know about

95358 - 

Like growing up your manhood is only invoked to convince you to do something gross, dangerous, unplesant that like you parent's want you to do, or it's use to try and shame you for appearing vulnerabl

95358 - 

or it's invoked to remind you're inherently dirty, and you need to remember when acting that people see you as dirty. And

95358 - 

And you're supposed to remember that you can't feel hurt about that, because that's weaken, and it's just offensive to people to know that you've had a feeling of hurt that you're stuck in a world tha

95358 - 

People dont like my husband amd i try to defend him but i hate that sometimes i cant and i hate that i have to think about preparing for worst case scenarios and dont feel reassured relying on him

96771 - 

that sees you as dirty, unsafe, not allowed in nurturing spaces unless

95358 - 

I'm probably wrong, I have many memories, but my therapist tells me I'm a abherent and that's not the average male experience,

95358 - 

That other men don't have those really awful things happen to them,

95358 - 

affect reality

96771 - 

It's stupid, when I here that song that goes "are you man enough to be my man" I instinctly feel hurt, and then I think that's stupid it's just a song.

95358 - 

Im trying to cast out rhe deep down feae i have that we will never have anything

96771 - 

And then I remind myself it's just a feeling, it's not going to hurt anyone,

95358 - 

feeling that you have that we will never have anything?

95358 - 

what do you mean?

95358 - 

I was thinking about all the times I've felt unsafe, and hurt, and I wonder if they would've been more serious if I wan't supposed to man up or something

95358 - 

i got bitten my two mosquitoes

96715 - 

Purple that we wont get settled in a stable home for my son to grow up in. That we will bearly scrap by with the cheap food thats not as healthy.

96771 - 

Having to struggle with protecting my sone from the burden that we can’t afford the toy he wants

96771 - 

OH shit, red. That's such a heavy burden

95358 - 

hes ao small biw laying on my chest and im crying

96771 - 

i have hope that things will be ok amd work out because i know i will do everything i can for my baby

96771 - 

I'm not just trying to make you feel better when I say this, but I mean it, if you can raise him emotionally healthy it will be very good for yourself, and a more valuable thing and most wealthy child

95358 - 

children get. Most children in generally really

95358 - 

idk how to end things with this guy i talk to

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