so yeah im wasting my life not taking control

95958 - 

people need to understand killing themselves is not gonna fix their problems

82335 - 

like its not because of all of these big fucking disorders

95958 - 

i try to study at home but ive only just recently been diagnosed with adhd as wlel

95958 - 

so i havent figured out the proper medication for me

95958 - 

i wanted to smack one of the patients because they tried to do it when their dad, the only one in the house, is disabled and cant be alone

82335 - 

how can you be so selfish

82335 - 

this is fucked

95958 - 

ive had my fair share of attempts but once my brother was hospitalized i was like "im being really fucking selfish aint i"

82335 - 

my brain was only functioning because i was being molested and emotionally and physically abused every day for my whole childhood

95958 - 

now im supposed to be better

95958 - 

but im just regressing

95958 - 

at least at 10 years old i could talk to my male cousin

95958 - 

i know mental illness can distort the world for people and i suffer from it too but trying to committ in that situation? crazy

82335 - 

be normal right

95958 - 

i dont even know if i was really normal though because now im starting to think i just didnt realise

95958 - 

5 suicides, 3 r*pes, 2 murders, 15 random accidents, and 2 car crashes in one night

82335 - 

with all of these big diagnosises i dont know what to do

95958 - 

ive been trialling different medications since i was 11

95958 - 

16:30-05:15 all that happened

82335 - 

havent had any friends since i was 13

95958 - 

i just got back to my dorm

82335 - 

im supposed to be doing great though

95958 - 

then i start college in august for 12 fucking years

82335 - 

i just cant focus or regulate my emotions and im constantly ruminating about anything

95958 - 

and nobody can fucking fix it

95958 - 

because it all starts from nightmares or arguments or an embarrassment in public

95958 - 

i find it really hard to feel ok

95958 - 

autism doesnt even matter the social aspects of my life dont matter

95958 - 

its just my fucking ocd

95958 - 

it makes everything worse

95958 - 

and i probably wouldnt have it if i wasnt assaulted

95958 - 

wouldnt have been bullied as much

95958 - 

well idk

95958 - 

i knew girls stopped liking me because i wasnt showering and brushing my teeth and hair

95958 - 

refused to talk about puberty because i was so afraid of it manifesting because of my dad

95958 - 

even though it was destined to happen to me anyway

95958 - 

its fine

95958 - 

none of this matters

95958 - 

the fuck am i even going on about

95958 -