it happened and that was that but it was also everything before and after

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like how i stopped fitting in because i refused to shower and stuff because of the abuse

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lowkey friendship is not fun though

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well my only experience is child friendships

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so it doesnt mean anything

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actually it kind of does

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comparing that to the way girls at 18 act now

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i just dont know

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i dont want to be in any kind of relationship ever

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idk

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im an adult soon i should be normal and good

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study get married have children work socialise

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im just scared of men and of the social hierarchy women make

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im overthinking

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i actually need to get a job though

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i wanna be happy

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none of this anxiety trauma shit

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ocd is the reason im depressed

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but im on the highest dose of a medication for ocd

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a dose so high it could kill a dog

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or like a

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dolphin

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im too fucking skinny

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and ive got all these new freckles from trying to go outside more to be less pale but i osmehow didnt tan and just got mroe freckles

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not even ginger

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skin cancer everywhere

94364 - 

I have anxiety thinking abt school

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It's friday night

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And school starts tuesday

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I haven't started on my homework

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It should be done on this one week holiday

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*cries*

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My big exam trial starts on late July :/

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I can't wait to finish this year

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To not see the faces of the people in high school anymore

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Especially the ex friend as my classmate

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But the blade was rusted

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So i stopped

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I'll be eighteen next year

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I didnt continue

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