that i felt like the only logical answer was you being at fault

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but i want to get better and i want to stop blaming you

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If you look at my journals from younger me it always just ended off by me saying some hella pessimistic shit like i want to kill myself 🐚

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the same way how we were all once children, you were a child. and if im able to empathise with other children, then i should be able to empathise with you

72363 - 

Im so glad ive had this growth-🐚

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so im sorry and i'll try not to blame you anymore

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I still watch +18 stuff

93336 - 

Maybe no one else sees it but its crazy how my mentality has changed so much-🐚

93328 - 

moving on without any explanations or apologies is difficult

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Yellow but healing is possible, you can get free from that addiction

93340 - 

i wanna kms.

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i keep thinking that i need answers

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but maybe i dont

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My journals now can be kinda silly or when i am sad i know its not forever -🐚

93328 - 

Coral please don't. I know exactly how you feel. You matter honey and you are loved

93340 - 

somehow i cant accept that though

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I wish I wasn't alive right now..... Light Blue.... I dont think i can do this..

93341 - 

maybe i'm too forgiving

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Yall im like about to launch myself into the nearest river im being so fr - romam

84237 - 

Im able to rant it out without going straight to contemplating suicide now-🐚

93328 - 

Coral you can, you are stronger than you think, believe me

93340 - 

I mean i have my moments but im only human-🐚

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Roman* sorry - roman

84237 - 

light blue.... honestly... i dont know anymore im literally just say here crying... i...

93341 - 

i shouldnt want to reconnect with past abusers. that's not maturity thats being a pushover

72363 - 

Coral, listen, I know how it feels to not want to live anymore, but I promise that it will get better

93340 - 

No im uhh how do I explain im not addicted i am just not homophobic and basically everyone I know is homophobic which is why i am probably going to end up alone in life

93336 - 

Reached out to the crisis line, they hung up on me, i called back, got a difgerent counselor who did the same thing when i mentioned it - roman

84237 - 

after all this time clearly i have still not learnt how to set boundaries

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I am seeing Billie next month... thats the only thing keeping me going right now.... if not for that i dont know.... </3 - to light blue

93341 - 

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself blue🐚

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You are loved, Coral, very very loved, even I love you and it's really not worth to end it

93340 - 

if anything its a sign that deep down im still not over everything

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even if i pretend to be

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You went through a lot, its a hard thing to process 🐚

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thanks Light Blue <3

93341 - 

i need to learn how to move on

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No need to thank me honey, just promise to not do anything stupid, okay?

93340 - 

and not let these people take up space in my thoughts

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Every thing will be okay coral

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